Attitude Isn’t A Feeling It’s An Action
The only two things we can control in this world are our attitude and our effort. I have uttered this phrase so much over the last 30 years to students, athletes, teachers, friends and family members that it should probably be stamped on my forehead. This phrase has always been at the center of any team or organization I have been leading and it always will be. The real star of that phrase is the word attitude. Effort is important but if you don’t have the attitude to match the effort it really doesn’t matter. Attitude is defined by google as “a settled way of thinking, feeling, or behaving toward a person, thing, or situation.” When I visit with people about attitude I like to take the emotion and feeling out of it. To me attitude is a purposeful action in response to the events, individuals and experiences that impact you. I like to focus on the last part of the definition “behaving toward a person, thing or situation.”
Attitudes are a funny thing. People can say that someone has a good or a bad attitude but what does that really mean? It really tells me very little. Does it mean people are happy or does it mean they are sad? Does it mean that they are positive or negative? These were questions I started asking myself when I had my first job as a teacher and a coach. The more I thought about it and the more I experienced I began to realize that attitude was really about the way we reacted to what was happening in our lives and how we approached those situations and people. When I started to look at things from this perspective that is when the word attitude became very clear to me. It was simple attitude was one of two things either:
It was an opportunity to grow and we could choose to embrace it or
It was going to be something we allowed to control us and swallow us whole.
I think given the opportunity most of us see, that the first one is far more appealing than digging our way into a deep hole and making things worse for ourselves. It isn’t until this point when our effort will factor into our attitude. Rarely have I seen people give great effort unless they had a growth mindset. People with a poor attitude are rarely ever focused on growth and more often than not in my experience they never achieve the results they are looking for.
Take some time and visualize the highest mountain peak you can. The sun is setting in the background, the top of the mountain is snow capped and the light is glistening against the snow revealing those beautiful golden hues you get as it begins to disappear. It is truly breathtaking and inspiring and your task is to climb up that mountain. You know if you get to the summit you are going to receive the biggest reward in your life. It’s going to be THE grand award and it's going to be a very satisfying experience. Now visualize the deepest darkest hole on the Earth. You decide to descend into the hole and the deeper you go the colder and darker it gets. You can’t see anything but darkness, not even your own hands in front of your face are visible. When you finally get to the bottom there is no reward, just more darkness and the rope you used to climb down is lost in the dark.
The reality in attitude is that even if you have a growth mindset and you are focused on climbing towards the summit there will be days when you dive into that dark hole. So what do you do when that happens? You don’t panic or overreact, you remain calm and remind yourself you want to get to the summit and receive the ultimate reward we talked about. Stay vigilant and remind yourself that the more times you dive into that hole the harder it gets to climb out of it and the further away that beautiful mountain sunset is from where you are. I know this can be easier said than done, but as I wrote this piece this week I was reminded by my friend Dr. Gilbert of something very important. .
Dr. Gilbert was talking on his success hotline (973-743-4690) about how the easiest things to do are sometimes the hardest for us to do. I don’t know if that’s because we take it for granted when it’s easy, but I do know that in my life that’s been the case from time to time. When things are easy I feel like I can just start and stop it at any moment so I put things off or take for granted the harm I’m actually doing by not starting. We know it’s going to be easier to climb that mountain than having to find our way out of that dark hole we have jumped into, but we let external factors get in our way as well. We let our feelings, emotions and people drag us into the holes we need to stay out of instead of removing ourselves from those things and seeing the growth opportunities in them. Everyday it needs to be a purposeful conscious decision to keep ourselves climbing towards the summit of that mountain to catch that beautiful sunset.
So how do we fix this? How do we practice resisting the dive into the darkness and climbing to the summit instead?
Have a mantra to lean on mine is “when your commitment is greater than your feelings you get results (C>F=R)
We have talked about visualizing a mountain. Visualize the palace that you love the most. it will put you in a positive mindset.
Create a connection with a mantra and touch. For example when things get tough I repeat the phrase “I can do this” over and over again and while I do that I touch my thumb to each of my fingers with each word I say.
Create a playlist of positive upbeat music that inspires, motivates or makes you happy.
I don’t just use these things when I’m struggling or focused on the negative. If I have spare time or even when things are going well I will use all of these to reinforce my approach to the situations that are before me. The more I do this the harder it is for my mind to wander away from the growth mindset and into the darkness. This kind of thinking becomes second nature and my attitude is an action for growth and success.
This week take time to focus your attitude not on feelings or emotions but the behavior and actions you want to have and take as you experience the people and situations that visit you in your daily life. Attitude is about your approach and the phrase that best exemplifies that to me is “Things don’t happen to us, they happen for us.” If you take that approach and make things happen for you then you will grow by leaps and bounds and have a more full and happy life. Have a great week and remember when your commitment is greater than your feelings you get results.
