What Would You Change?
We’ve all heard the question “If you could go back and do it all over again what would you do differently?” This question comes up a lot after I speak to groups and tell them my story. They assume and I think it’s a fair assumption that I would choose a different path for myself knowing what I know now. The funny thing about this question is I rarely ever think about it and that started pretty early on in my life. When I was 7 years old my father passed away and it was devastating. In my early teens I was overweight and bullied and I would carry that issue with me for decades. These events in my life gave me a reality that bad things, unfair things can happen and you could roll with the punches and find a way out or you could wallow in it and sink further into a pit of hopelessness.
I’ve always taken on two approaches to the question of what would I change? The first approach is focusing on the past, particularly things like the death of family or friends just made me sad and I couldn’t change those things no matter how much I wanted to. The second approach was all of the situations, events and experiences I had been through shaped who I was now and that was something I always felt grateful for. I don’t know if it was because of my Mother’s influence or my faith but I just felt that my journey and all of the suffering, pain, sadness and even happiness was for a reason. I’m not saying I didn’t get upset or angry about the things that happened but I chose to see the value in them even when I was struggling.
With every experience in my life I learned something new and I know a lot of the time I didn’t realize I was learning a lesson until years later. We are constantly evaluating our lives and taking notes of what works and what doesn’t work and that leads us to the next step where the process starts all over again. The growth we make as people comes from the sum of our experiences and without them we don’t ever get to the next level. We would never experience the growth we need in order to be the best we can be for ourselves and our people. When we start to replace experiences we take away from other ones that we had along the way. I’m sure you have all seen the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life,” It is probably my favorite movie. Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey walks through his life with Clarence Oddbody, this guardian angel and he finds out just how important all of the events of his life were. His sacrifices, good deeds and hardships made a difference in the lives of others and it uplifted a community. We found out from watching the movie that the town George lives in would be a much more cynical and sad place without him.
If we take the time and reframe the events of our lives into the lessons of our lives instead, not only will we live more in the present and experience more growth, but we will also live a more full and satisfying life. My challenge to you this week is to work on strengthening how you look at the events in your life. Instead of seeing things that were tragedies or mistakes as something you would do over or change, find a connection from them to something positive in your life. For example, when my father died I became incredibly close with my mother and as I grew into adulthood she became my best friend. I learned to rely on her wisdom and saw her as the most valuable member of my life’s board of directors. Without her influence I would have never gone as far as I did in my career. Another example would be my struggle with obesity. My obesity led to me being bullied when I was a kid but from that experience I learned resilience and toughness that would become valuable when I went through tough times as an adult. It also gave me insight into what other people were going through that were being bullied. I hope these examples can give you a point to start from. Have a great week and remember when your commitment is greater than your feelings you get results.
