Three Types of Regret
Regret is a simple six letter word defined by google as: a negative emotional state of wishing you had made a different choice in the past that can lead to feelings of disappointment and self-blame. After reading that definition I consider regret a four letter word. Regret doesn’t serve us or those around us. Regret is the byproduct of bad decisions, inaction or wasted time. This week I really took some time after listening to John Perry’s podcast Never Stop Getting Better to think about regret and how to classify it in my experiences as a leader for myself and others.
I believe there are three types of regret:
Regret in the choices we make
Regret in not taking action
Regret in the time we waste
Choices
The type of regret we are probably most familiar with on a daily basis is regretting the choices we make that were bad decisions that had a negative outcome in our lives or the lives of those we lead on a daily basis whether it is our family, friends or people we work with. These kinds of choices can be eliminated or at the very least limited in our lives by slowing down and thinking through our decisions instead of making snap decisions and judgements. We often move faster than we need to and create a situation where we just don’t analyze what is in front of us. There are even times where we act out of our own convenience because we don’t want to feel uncomfortable. This strategy eventually ends up being our own undoing and it’s just not worth it in the end but we still do it from time to time. The barometer for making decisions should always come down to what is moral and fair. Using those two guides has rarely made for a decision I regret later on.
Action
For years I wanted to write a book. I talked about it and wrote down ideas but I never started. Do you know why? I was scared I was afraid to put myself out there and take the risk of being judged. I made so many excuses and had so many reasons/justifications for not starting that they had their own zip code. It was ridiculous. I remember a D-1 coach coming to do a summer camp for me one time and he asked a kid, “what do you want to have at the end of the season?” The kid looked him in the eye and said “I want to be a state medalist” The coach without missing a beat said “when are you going to start?" The kid had his own excuses for why he hadn’t done the work and the coach didn’t let him off the hook he told him “the only thing you’re going to get if you don’t put in the work is REGRET.” We have got to take action. Nothing is going to look perfect, we aren’t going to know everything we need to know, so get started. Movement is better than sitting around watching the paint dry. Just take the leap it's better than saying to yourself “I wish I would’ve.” Why live with that phrase when you don’t have to?
Waste
The last kind of regret is wasting time. This type of regret is the most silent and deadly form of regret there is. With the invention of technology dating back before the industrial revolution we have been making life easier and with that people now have more time on their hands. This isn’t a bad thing but we don’t use that time like we should. How many of you pick up your cell phone and look at how much screen time you are putting in each day. I would bet most of you even get the notification that sends you how much time you average on your cell phone each day that week. This needs to be a wake up call for all of us to get more engaged in our own lives and the world around us. Just ask yourself this one simple question at the end of your lifetime: Do you want to be taking your last breath and wish you would have spent more time living life or scrolling through it?
None of us are perfect. We will have regret in life, but when you look at the decisions you make, the actions you take and the time you waste, is it worth the feeling of regret? Do you want to feel that sorrow, do you want to know life could have been so much more, do you want to have the REGRETS of a life that didn’t serve you to the fullest? I hope this week’s blog was one you could identify with and take something from that will improve your life. Have a great week and remember when your commitment is greater than your feelings you get results.
