The “What If?” Question
What if? It’s one of the most productive and destructive questions in the world. Now in my 50s, I wish I would have taken the time to ask my parents and grandparents what they thought of the question of what if? I had a football coach that used to use the old adage “if, ifs and butts were candy and nuts it would be Christmas year round.” I just got used to thinking about what if as a negative in terms of an excuse or a negative way to view what had happened to me. It wasn’t until much later that I started to look at the question of what if in an entirely different light.
The destructive what if, is a deadly trap that can lead to despair, heartache and an endless bag of excuses that will turn you into nothing more than a victim. Once you reach into the bag of what if victimhood it’s hard to find your way out and unfortunately some people never do? This is the what if that focuses on the past and the things that happen to us that are beyond our control. When we engage in this side of what if we are infecting ourselves with a plague that can spread like wildfire.
I talk about the death of my father often and how it has shaped my life. My mother through her love, wisdom and leadership didn’t ever engage in the what if, at least not in my presence. She had already experienced hardship in her life and had been a single mother before she met my father. She knew there was a way through the tough times and that things would work out. The key was facing forward and then moving in that direction. The fires my mother had walked through always seemed to prepare her for the next challenge. Her example was something I just followed. There was never a word mentioned about avoiding or ignoring the what if question. It was something we just didn’t engage in. I never even considered a scenario of what if my father hadn’t passed when I was 7 years old? It wasn’t going to help anything and it wasn’t a part of our reality.
I briefly thought about this question last week when I was thinking about my own legacy and quickly shut it down. As soon as I asked the question I realized my life wouldn’t be the same without the tragedy that had occurred in it. Simply put I couldn’t imagine how things could have been better. The things that happen to us shape us and build us for our purpose so we can have a greater impact and a better tomorrow. So, how do we go from the destruction in the question of what if to the productive and positive question of what if? If you haven’t already connected the dots the question of what if being destructive or productive is time based. When we are facing a decision or a problem that needs solving we are in the moment or looking to the future. This is when what if becomes a tool. What if helps us create scenarios and pathways to foster discussion and debate that will lead us towards a better way.
Some of my favorite discussions, debates and collaborations have been born from that simple question of what if? What if is one of the most inspiring questions in the world. It can redefine what is possible and bring a sense of wonderment, joy, purpose and power into our daily lives. When we are able to ask the question of what if in a room of people who are trying to solve a problem or find a better way we open up a new avenue to hope. There is an opportunity for us to use our collective strengths to rise to a new level. There is no danger in the experiment of what if we try this? What if we try that? What if we add here and subtract there? We aren’t living in the past in this scenario, we are looking to the future.
So, what if? Is it good, bad, or both? It’s both because what if is really two separate questions. It is one phrase with two words and two meanings. Your choice is, do you wish to be committed to looking forward or doomed to looking in the past at what you cannot change? Have a great week and don’t forget when your commitment is greater than your feelings you get results.
